If you are a first timer the game is simple. Choose who you think will be the most badly behaved drivers for your team (pick up to 5 teams) and keep your fingers cross for mayhem.

Hamilton is fast becoming the chief rogue and Maldonado is not far behind him. Against our expectations Maldonado almost cruised to his maiden rogue victory in 2011, but over hauling Hamilton was just a little too much. Needless to say I’ve put the price of Maldonado up for this year so no easy rides to massive point tallies!

King of the hill is still Schumacher so if you want an old favorite, he’s your best bet. But the rookies might be good outsider choices but you can guarantee the better the car the bigger the ego and egos translate easier into points.

As with last year, we’ll have prizes but have not yet selected the prize supplier… Do you want to sponsor us and give away some wonderful prizes? The let us know and we’ll bite your arm off…

So how to play?

Create an account on our site and when you’ve logged in you’ll see a “My Teams” menu option… from there start adding your teams!

Shares go up in Ola after Raikkonen's return...

Just the teams are unavailing their cars from underneath specially designed dust covers, or in HRT’s case, from under de la Rosa’s bed sheets it’s time for F1Rogues to blow the dust from the keyboard and kick of a new season. With all the drivers having found enough funds to justify their lack of skills, the season is well and truly underway with a series of upcoming tests where teams at the back the pack will run light to get sponsors. We can then start by reflecting upon the news of late and what it means, if anything for the season ahead…

Droop noses
Never before, in the field of design, have so many people been paid huge sums of money to produce something that looks dreadful. The new droop noses on the new batch of F1 cars goes to prove sometimes things look better on paper. Which is where these noses should have stay… boldly stamped with the words “rejected”. Most of the teams seemed to have adopted the more severe look with Mclaren not quite bring themselves to give the car the look of one of the ugly sisters. Do we like them? I think you can tell we do not… but the sad reality of it is that Newey bloke will have created the best nose – lord this man should have been a plastic surgeon. He’s already started tongues wagging with the air vent put in place to keep Mark Webber‘s libedo under control for pre-season testing; that icy blast enough to put anyone’s man hood down for a few laps.

Gachot thinking about how to dig tunnels

The Prisoner
Not the series on TV, but the eventual location, it seems, for all F1 Drivers. Schumacher was given his big break back in 1991 when Bertrand Gachot got on the wrong side of the doors at Her Majesties Pleasure after spraying CS gas into a cabbies face. This year, prison is catching up with some old foes and trying to lure in some new ones. Verstappen was release from jail on the 20th January having (allegedly) trying to kill his ex-girlfriend by running her over (how ironic for an F1 driver to do). After his release (from lack of evidence), Dutch authorities found some more things to pin on Schumacher’s former number two. As if this was the first time this had happened; in 2009 Jos “the Boss” got a 3 month suspended sentence for stalking his ex (we assume not the same person).

JJ Lehto has been jailed for 30 months after causing the death of a friend in a boat accident. Lehto, who had been drinking, hit a bridge with the boat. And finally, Sutil managed to escape prison but got an 18 month suspended sentence for his part in an altercation in a Shanghai nightclub. Sutil wanted Hamilton, one of the witnesses, to appear in his defense but Hamilton was not available. Insider information suggests he was perming his leg hair on that day and was unable to make it. Sutil, who has now found out that Hamilton has changed his mobile number, called Hamilton a “coward” for not testifying. You’re not making yourself a PR nightmare now are you Sutil?

Karthikeyan
This guy is back, somehow he has come back. Can we not swap him for JJ Lehto?

It’s the winning year
Massa has told the world that he is confident of their victory changes in 2012. When asked by an F1Rogues insider he declined to comment if those chances were going to be given to Alonso and not the fall guy…

The iceman commeth
He’s back and we can only hope for the best possible rogue return. Raikkonen has been the first to shake down the Lotus and his initial feedback was encouraging. The car is good but lacks a holder for his ice cream.

James Hunt in the Mclaren M23 (1976)

The 1976 Formula One season would prove to be extraordinary. The start of the season saw the introduction of a new rule set. The cars required a larger overhang ahead of the driver”s feet, (on the grounds of safety.) The rear wing overhang had to be reduced from 100cm to 80cm. The large air-boxes that had been a feature of the previous seasons were now banned and the width of the rear of the car could be no more than 215cm.

The figure regarding the rear width of the cars had been chosen as it was the width of the widest car that competed in 1975, the McLaren M23. To give the constructors time to adapt to the new rules they were not going to be enforced until the fourth round of the championship, the race at Jarama.

The first three rounds of the championship has seen the dominant force of 1975, Ferrari, sustain their momentum. It was a clean sweep with two wins for Lauda and one for Reggazoni but James Hunt had made a promising start to the season since moving to McLaren.

The new cars took to the Spanish track and come the end of qualifying it was Hunt’s McLaren that sat on pole position, having edged out Lauda’s Ferrari. Lauda got the jump on Hunt at the start of the race but he soon succumbed to the Englishman as the ribs he damaged in a tractor accident the previous week blunted the Austrian’s defenses. Hunt stormed home to his first McLaren victory, thirty-seconds ahead of Lauda. Hunt was ecstatic.

After the race, the scrutineers were all over the cars like a swarm of wasps, measuring the cars to check their conformity with the new rules. All of the cars passed, except one, Hunt’s McLaren, it was 1.8cm too wide. The difference between its width and the 1975 width was accounted for by a change in the profile of its Goodyear tyres but Hunt was disqualified and the victory handed to Lauda.

Originally posted by Tris.

© janebelindasmith (Flickr)

With the season over there is almost nothing left for us to do other than hand out copious amounts of awards to the drivers and teams for their antics in 2011. Not for many years has F1Rogues counted the cost this high and it only just that Hamilton get his share of all that damage. So without further delay… F1Rogues proudly presents it’s awards for 2011!

Category: On the track

Best race – Canadian GP

Won by Jenson Button with 34 on track overtakes in a single race, it was also the longest race in history (4 hours, 4 minutes and 39 seconds) and the safety car was deployed 6 times which is also a record. What a race! Oh and the pointy fingered one didn’t win it.

Marshall of the Year – That fat Marshall, Canadian GP

With the drivers behind the safety car, the marshalls attempted to clear the debris from track.  One particular marshall, was… well… not trained for this in both in skill and agility. It is not possible to truly sum up the sense of comedy, fear and annoyance followed by fear again that we experienced watching him try and pick up carbon peices (video)

Love Magnets, Felipe Massa & Lewis Hamilton

Constantly coming to blows, Massa and Hamilton seemed to only want to be together. Each driver unwilling to show the other how much he loved the other by just giving a little more… instead their internal torment spilling out onto the press area with remarks like “good job” and “[Hamilton is] incapable of using his mind”. Such sweet music to our ears… (video)

Moving Roadblock Award, Narain Karthikeyan, Indian GP

Narain, racing in his home grand prix, would have been more use to his fans if he had sat in the grandstands explaining what on earth F1 was all about. Receiving more fist shaking than anyone in a single grand prix, Narain is our 2011 road block.

The “Duke Nukem” Rampage, Lewis Hamilton, Monaco GP

Few races in recent history have seen such a rampage from a single driver. No one, really, no one was safe from Hamilton. Starting the weekend Hamilton identified who had blocked him in the previous race (Schumacher and the Toro Rosso’s), waved fists at Massa and Schumacher in the race, shoved Massa at Lowes hairpin which led to him crashing in the tunnel, caused a multiple car pile up which led to the race being stopped and Petrov needing medical attention (effects of the vodka had worn off), pushed Maldonado in to the wall and then suggested the stewards “picked” on him because he “is black”. Nothing to do with the carnage you left on the track at all…

Category: Life’s the pits

Best pit stop entrance – Jeroen D’Ambrosio, Virgin, Hungarian GP

Not content with just entering the pits, with his eyes on beating Coulthard (Australia, 1995), D’Ambrosio – or Custard as he is sometimes know – decided to enter the pit with the style of… a drift racer. Driving towards his team mates at a speed that would kill a man, Custard lost control of his Virgin and span it towards a packed garage and crew waiting for the tyre change. Much brown trousers later, the mechanics had turned him around (yes around!) and put him back on the right path (video).

Most distracted pit stop – Jenson Button, Mclaren, Chinese GP

Prince Philip would probably put this down to the food, all that rice and noodles can’t do an Englishman any good. Whatever it was, Button’s stop at the Red Bull garage whilst driving a Mclaren could almost be as amusing as when Alonso overtook teammate Massa in the pit lane. Red Bull, undeterred by Button’s antics just refused to change his tyres. A quick thinking team would have just taken off Button’s wheels and left him without any, but the sporting chaps from Red Bull even pointed the way he should go (remember Jenson, if you see the pub, you’ve gone TOO FAR!) (video)

Best overall pitstops – Ferrari, 2011 season

Much like Barrichello before him, Massa is a multi-million dollar warm up at for 20 mechanics who eat their own snot and stir their tea with a screw driver. On no less than five separate occasions, Ferrari managed to mess up Massa’s pitstop who coincidentally was the first driver to pit. What are the chances?

The Planters *Warning, may NOT contain Nuts* award – Mclaren, British GP

It is clear that some parts of an F1 car are, shall we say optional? A front wing for example has lots of little bits of sticky back plastic and squeezy bottles all over it that, if lost, don’t see to do much to the car. Wheel nuts on the other hand… different story. Mr Button, keen to make good at home, got the chance of an early cuppa when his charming colleagues in the pitstop just did not bother with one of the nuts to his new shiny rims. Result, retirement at the exit of the pits (video).

Category: Just because…

Nonsense rule – Tyre changes in red flag situations, Monaco GP

With Hamilton having destroyed half the field in the last few laps, his only chance of overtaking Vettel was neutralized by a loop hole in the rules. When the race is red flagged, teams can change tyres on the formation grid. A rule designed to allow teams to change to wets in the case of extreme weather, it allowed Red Bull to remove their disadvantage and win the race. Booooooo!

The “Not going quietly” award – Nick Heidfeld

It’s a universally acknowledge fact, that the best way to keep your drive in a top flight F1 team is to complain bitterly about being fired and then threaten to take them to court.

Services to his teamate – Mark Webber

For not really being a threat.

The “barn stormers” award – Vitaly Petrov, Malaysian GP

Not many times in F1 to you get to see an F1 car fly… but if anyone can, Vitaly can… (video)

Got more? Post your award in the comments below!

I had a shit.

Schumacher was consistent if not a shadow of his former self and was a consistent second throughout the season until Maldonado got the better of him in the last few races. As many of you will know, Schumacher has been the most undisputed rogue of all time for as long as we have been doing this, it is now clear that Schumacher has some very strong rivals for his all time crown!

Hamilton was not quoted as saying “diz iz da greatest I az had sinse I az been wif me woking massiv! Fanks to da F1Rogues for thier support en shit. Diz is really one in da eye for da pointy fingered one and me main man Macca”

The final top 10 from the championship is as follows:

1		Hamilton, Lewis	202
2		Maldonado, Pastor	166
3		Schumacher, Michael	149
4		Massa, Felipe	125
5		Liuzzi, Vitantonio	118
6		Webber, Mark	117
7		Barrichello, Rubens	97
8		Perez, Sergio	93
9		Sutil, Adrian	91
10		Kobayashi, Kamui	90

How the drivers progressed throughut the season

In at number 10 is Sebastian Vettel with an interesting version of “Smoke on the Water.”

Number 9 sees Kimi Raikkonen wowing us with his karaoke skills!

At number 8, Eddie Jordan takes to the stage drumming his way through the F1 theme song, “The Chain”.

Just piping Eddie to the title of best drummer, at number 7 it’s Heikki Kovalainen featuring Lewis Hamilton.

In at number 6, McLaren and the BBC team up to performing this great version of Oasis’s “Wonderwall”.

Showing his skills extend much further than the race track, Adrian Sutil shows us his musical talent at the piano at number 5.

Number 4 is Damon Hill with his band The Conrods.

Number 3 we have Jaime Alguersuari. Jaime has just released his first album, and this is his first single, Organic Life, which topped the Spanish charts!

And in the number 2 spot we have Jaques Villeneuve. Jacques released an entire album after leaving Formula One…and it isn’t as bad as you may think!

And that leaves only one person who could be number 1….yes, you guessed it! It’s Mark Webber with his award winning rendition of “Canberra Milk Kid!” Enjoy!!!

Join us next time when we talk to ITV and some of the F1 stars about allegations they were miming in their song “Black Parade” Goodnight!

(Main photo © GermanPickle (Flickr))

Thursday

There’s a light-hearted end of term feeling to the drivers press conference today and it’s clear the FIA are having a laugh too by seating Lewis Hamilton next to Felipe Massa.

Ruben Barrichello is also in the presser and when a journalist asks about how he feels about whether this may be the last time we’ll be seeing a certain Brazilian driver who is past his best, Rubens is quick to respond by suggesting that the hack should ask that question to Massa directly!

Friday

As ham become tradition this year, the world champion enjoys an off-track excursion during free practice before ending up fastest at the end of FP2.  Not so lucky is Segio Perez who bins it big style at the last corner and ends up distributing his Sauber all over the track.  The team are then forced to build a new car up overnight from a new tub.

Following the announcement of signing Pedro de la Rosa for 2012, the team is further buoyed when it is clocked as fastest through the speed-trap.  However, it’s the one in the pitlane, so a $10,000 fine for Luizzi isn’t quite such good news.

The rest of the sessions is the mixture of half spins, small excursions and as usual, Buemi knocking a front wing off and Maldonado getting stuck in the gravel.

Qualifying

Q1 sees the usual six eliminated, with Trulli, as usual, quite a bit slower than Kovalainen.  Joining them this time is Perez who lacks confidence and a well-handling car.

Q2 lives up to being the best session of qualifying and it’s a real battle between the Torro Rossos, Force Indias, Mercedes, Renaults, Williams and Kobayashi in the remaining Sauber.  Maldonado goes off and gets stuck in the gravel with four minutes remaining brining out a red flag.

When the session re-starts, it’s an all-out battle, but with such a short lap, it’s a matter of luck getting a clear lap and in the end Barrichello gets one and sneaks into the top ten sending the crowd wild.  Losing out is Senna, Petrov, Kobayashi, Sutil, Alguersuari, Buemi and the beached Venezuelan.

Into the top ten shoot out now and di Resta doesn’t go out to save tyres.  Barrichello goes out on a used set just to please the fans.  So, of the eight that go for it, Massa ends up in slowest behind Schumacher, Rosberg and then Alonso.

Webber nets fourth but Button Hamilton and Vettel cross the line with just six thousandths between them, in favour of… Vettel of bloody course!  Hamilton is second with Button third.

Race

When the lights go out, Vettel shoots off and Button, on thegrippy side gets alongside Hamilton into Turn 1, grabs second through Turn 2 and hangs on onto the straight.

Behind these, there’s the usual first corner mayhem with Petrov, Buemi and Sutil all bouncing over the grass, Maldonando breaking his wing as he clips the rear of Senna and Luizzi pitching Glock into a half spin.  There’s no Safety Car and the race settles for a while until the first round of stops.

On lap 22, getting a late call to pit, Webber swings to come in but doesn’t notice Alonso also going in.  They touch which pitches Webber into the separating wall between the pit and straight spreading debris everywhere.  Both drivers are OK and out of their cars, but the pitlane is closed as debris is cleared.

Once cleared, the Safety Car peels off, but is followed in by a queue of cars whose rubber is totally shot.  There are cars going all over, but Red Bull are stuffed when Vettel can’t get released until seven cars have passed, including the two McLarens.

Amazingly, Senna’s Renault is up into fifth place and seems to be putting in stunning drive.  Then, Barrichello’s Williams grinds to a halt and out steps… Senna!  Rubens, wearing his special Senna tribute helmet had snuck into the LRGP garage, swapped his overalls and jumped into Bruno’s car before anyone noticed.

The race, now in it’s final phase is starting to hot up again as Vettel is gradually reeling in Massa who is on for his first podium of the season.  As they go into Turn 1 with six laps to go, the German dives up the inside of the Brazilian.  Realising it’s not Hamilton, Massa leaves the door open and resumes his mediocrity to finish fourth.

Despite both Vettel’s and Hamiton’s best efforts, they can’t catch the silky smooth Button who records yet another win, confirms second in the championship and reveals that he made a bet with his team-mate that he’d beat him – the loser having to have a Brazilian!

The two Mercedes, anonymously grab fifth and sixth, with the old man getting the better of his young rival again, Barrichello (pretending to be Senna) ends up seventh, Petrov eight, di Resta ninth and grabbing the last point of the season, Buemi again gets tenth.

Trulli retired when he said he could smell a barbeque and thought they’d burnt the sausages.

Right.  That’s it.  Over and out!

We’ll just have to ask the Crystal Ball, what it thinks, but that’s not going to be very easy as, in deference to the Muslim nation, it’s wearing a burka!

Thursday

There’s early drama as the drivers are making their way into the press conference.  Lewis Hamilton, whilst talking on his phone, is momentarily distracted, looks away and bumps straight into Felipe Massa.  Massa, immediately gets his teddy bear out of his pocket, throws it in the corner, burst into tears and demands that Lewis is banned from walking as he is ‘clearly dangerous’.

Friday

There’s the obligatory range of spins on the sandy ‘green’ surface as practice gets underway, but due to having extra development tyres from Pirelli, both spectators get to see more action than usual.

Maldonado, already on the back foot for having to take another engine, is less than impressed when the replacement distributes itself all over the back straight.  Less impressed though was Sutil who locks up on the oil and spears off into the barriers.

Vettel winds up quickest at the end of the day, but it’s a big surprise to find Schumacher second – although it no seems he used a shortcut, because as he says ‘If Sebastian can do it in India, why can’t I do it here?’

Qualifying

Clearly suffering from fatigue and the ‘hump’ the Ball will only give up one name for Q1 – Perez.  We must assume he joins the usual suspects sitting in the air conditioned garages for the rest of qualifying.

Q2 has become the best part of qualifying in 2011 and this one is no different with the Williams, Renaults, Force Indias, Torro Rossos and Kobayashi fighting for the two places left over from the ‘Big 4’ teams that make it through easily.

Maldonado, keen to improve his grid slot, which is currently on the access road to the circuit, overdoes it and spins off, just snapping his front wing against the barriers at turn 17.  He’ll now be starting from Dubai.

At the end of Q2, it’s diResta and Petrov who get the top ten slots.  11^th – 16^th is Senna, Alguersuari, Buemi, Kobayashi, Sutil, Barrichello and the hapless Maldonado (for now…).

The shoot-out only sees eight cars venture out with Petrov and diResta saving tyres. Hamilton storms to pole from Webber, Vettel, Alonso, Button,Massa, Rosberg and Schumacher.  There were no incidents as the session turns into one of the dullest of the year.

Race

F1’s only day-night race gets underway with Hamilton holding his lead from a determined Webber and Vettel, with Alonso and Button banging wheels through turn 1.  Further back it’s a reasonably tidy start, although Barrichello loses the end of his front wing against Kobayashi’s rear tyre.

Once DRS is activated Webber goes back to his Korean frustration by not quite being able to pass Hamilton, despite repeated attempts.  In the midfield, Senna overtakes Alguersuari, who then misses his braking point trying to defend and spears off into the barriers at the end of the main straight.

After about 45 minutes, Trulli comes in and parks up.  When asked why he stopped, he said ‘It’s getting dark.  I don’t like the dark.’

Red Bull try to ‘jump’ Hamilton at the pitstops, but mess it up when Luizzi ambles into the pits in front of him, stopping to say hi to an Italian uncle on the pit wall.  He still manages HRT’s fastest pitstop of the season.

Maldonado is doing quite well, despite having to limit his revs with his new engine, as well as the aerodynamic penalty of having a sign hanging off the back of his car saying ‘Running-in.  Please pass’.  He charge is abated when, after 100kms, he has to come in for an oil and filter change.

Senna then throws a spanner in the works by clattering the wall in the tunnel on the pit exit, blocking it and immediately seeing the pitlane closed.  Poor Kobayashi is in the pitlane when this happens and has to wait for the mess to be cleared.

This helps Webber though as Hamilton’s tyres are literally falling apart and with fifteen laps to go, he passes him and despite both having to pit for the harder option, the Aussie is able to take his first win of the year. Hamilton also loses out to Button and Vettel to miss a podium spot and is apoplectic with rage after the race.

He storms into Lotus’s garage, demanding to see the Brazilian, but is politely told that he needs the other Lotus called Renault that will be called Lotus next year as Lotus will be called Caterham.  ‘Iz it coz they’re black?’ he asks Tony Fernandes before leaving to find Bruno.

Further back, Alonso, relieved to have been able to pass Petrov after a pitstop is fifth followed by Schumacher, Petrov, Rosberg, Massa and Buemi.

© Team Lotus

Many of us dream of a life as a Formula One driver but so few get the chance to fulfil the ambition.

However, just suppose you could join this elite world.  Making the correct career choice to suit your driving and professional lifestyle would be crucial.

So, my simple questionnaire will guide you in the right direction should your dreams ever come true! All you have to do is answer truthfully which of the following statements applies the most to you and then check your results at the bottom!  Your future awaits…

Question 1

When driving in your road car which of the following is applicable to you:

a) You often misjudge the distance between yourself and the car in front resulting in several new front bumpers

b) You feel you are constantly being involved in accidents which are not your fault

c) You feel that the same cars keep overtaking you time and time again

d) You can’t help but pull over and visit any smart looking office with official people inside

e) There never appears to be anyone around whilst you are having a relaxing drive

Question 2

You are obviously slower than another car on a narrow road. What do you do?

a) Keep the person behind at all costs by not quite leaving enough room to overtake on the straights

b) Give up

c) Let them past through gritted teeth wishing you where in their car

d) Crash into them

e) Sorry but that has never happened to me

Question 3

You are running low on fuel and need to stop soon, what do you do?

a) Get in and out of that garage faster than a speeding bullet

b) Don’t fill the tank right up as you think you will crash again soon

c) Pull the handbrake and go in the garage in style

d) Pull up for fuel not realising you are at the air hose as you weren’t looking properly

e) Ignore the cars advice and try to continue the journey in the fastest ever time

Question 4

You take your car for a repairs/servicing, what is the most common problem?

a) Front end damage to vehicle

b) Severe front end vibrations

c) My cars never last long enough to be able to get them serviced

d) Loose wheel nuts

e) I think I once found a speck of dust on the dashboard

So how did you get on? 

Simply check the answers you gave against the results above and await the call from the team.

Mostly A – You are most suited to Mercedes
Mostly B – You are most suited to Ferrari
Mostly C – You are most suited to Virgin
Mostly D – You are most suited to McLaren
Mostly E – You are most suited to Red Bull